I know what you're thinking....

Right you lot!!  Which one of you bought me this darn dog coat?  Come on!!  I'm waiting!! I want names!!
I have a feeling it was from one of the Till family.  You know who you are.  Have you ever tried to put on one of these?  Head first, front legs next and then back legs.  SWMBO bends my limbs like I'm a rag dog.  I have achy joints - she ought to know that!  Then comes the humiliation of having to go to the park and parade in front of other dogs looking like this.  I don't care to think about it.
Well it's not all bad, because Benson has to wear one too.

I have a feeling I may be going for Jellification next week.  There was a murmured phone call and I heard my name mentioned.  There was also talk of the snow sticking to my shaggy feet.  It can only mean one thing - a short back and undercarriage.  Then a perfumed bath.  I won't make it easy.  I WILL NOT.  I shall stand when I should sit, I will shake before Mrs. Jelley is ready and I may even pee on the table.  So Mrs. Jelley ~ BE WARNED.  (If that doesn't get the appointment cancelled I don't know what will.)  I hope she reads this.
I think I'm going to see my cousin Eddie for Christmas.  I hope we don't have to wear Santa suits again.
(I kid you not.  I'll try and find a photo if you don't believe me.)
I think you may all be wondering where I have been since October.  Well, I took a sabbatical.  At 15 and four months, I'm entitled.  Apart from that, nothing happened.
Actually, something HAS happened.  I'm sharing my garden with some foxes! Want to see a picture?  Thought you might. 

They are eating the bird seed and food that SWMBO puts out.  Must be pretty hungry.
Well I thought I'd better get this on before the computer gets taken away to be mended. Judging by the bad language which I am pretending not to notice, I reckon it may go through the window soon.  Windows out the window?  My little pun.  Well, it's time for the last garden patrol of the evening.  I will bid you good night.

Hello Folks

This is a picture of me monitoring my kingdom.  It must be spring because it looks fairly tidy! We've had so much rain recently that I get lost in the long grass.  Still, at least I have something on which to chew if I'm feeling a bit icky.  What to tell you? Where to start?
A couple of weeks ago I went for Jellification and came home shorn - you may remember. And it's got chilly so I needed my fur.  I digress. I fancy I heard Mrs. Jelley talking about my ears.  'Put Sudacrem on the inside of the leathers' she said to SWMBO.  Leathers?  Ear flaps to you and me.  Well Mum went off to the pharmacy for the cream and couldn't find it.  She told HWMBO that she'd asked the pharmacist and he said quite forcefully that he could NOT prescribe anything for a dog.  I was pleased to hear that but do you think she took any notice of this learned gentleman?  Of course not.  She just went elsewhere and said the cream was for her or a baby or some such.  There I was, having a nice dream - my legs running in the air, when I was held down by one of them and the cream was applied to my 'leathers' by the other.  Well, this stuff stinks and my nose has to put up with it 24/7 - as they say on TV.  I have lost all my cred in the park and the other dogs won't come anywhere near me.  What a dog has to go through!  I ask you.  I don't mind having dandruff in my ears and I've had no complaints from the ladeeeez!
Want to hear what Charles Ward has been up to?  Don't laugh please.  They are not amused.  Charles's dad, Terry, likes to play rough and tumble on the floor with the dogs. Normally they all have a good time but last week, Charles threw his head up onto Terry's jaw and broke his dental bridge. The cost of the dental work will amount to £1,700 or thereabouts.  Of course only a moron would find it funny and so it was that SWMBO had to apologise profusely to the Ward family for finding humour in such a grave situation. She tried to wriggle out of it by saying that she was worried about Charles's head.  No, still not funny Mum.
I've heard them talk about going out for the day on Sunday to a country show.  They want to take me but the forecast is for rain and I don't really want to go.  I may ask Benson's owner if I can stay there for the day. I'll have to promise not to bark or be a nuisance.  Perhaps I should go there for a hour to see if I like it beforehand.  Yes, that's a plan.  Watch this blog.

I'm only a guest

Howdedooda!
My name is Maggie and I am a guest speaker on this blog for one day only (that's what the old dog who lives here said anyway!) My mum had to go to work today and my usual dog sitters were not available, so I have come to a new house. My food has come too so I don't know for how long I have been abandoned.  When I first met the old codger in the garden, I lay on my back in submission - I was in his territory after all but we both soon realised I was top dog and I set out to prove it.  Laugh?  I nearly offered around the Bonios. 
I first of all jumped up on the bed whilst the woman of the household was trying to make it.  I did get down but felt obliged to get back on, just to prove to the old codger that I still could.
Then I found a pull toy, which frankly had seen better days, so I chewed off the hard plastic then I annihilated the tennis ball part.

This is the old fella' looking at his old Christmas gift from his Aunty Betty.  I wondered why everyone was whispering until I found out that there was a human sleeping in the back bedroom.  This is Taffy's Aunty Barb from Canada.  She's sleeping off something called Jet Lag.  This didn't bother me though and I became quite vocal.  Anyhow it worked because we went for a walk sooner rather than later. It was a struggle getting me into the boot of the car with the old boy but the old woman managed it and off we went.  Imagine my surprise when the boot opened again and in got my old mucker Benson!!  We were so happy to see each other but there was no room to show our happiness, what with the old boy in the corner barking.
When we got to the park, I jumped out of the car boot and took the woman flying across the grass to meet another chocolate labrador.  She had no idea how strong I was.  She dropped her car keys but I wasn't stopping.  I also had to greet a Weimeraner that looked pretty handsome.  When we got back to the car, Benson was out, trailing his lead and the old boy was out still wearing some kind of nappy.  Car keys found we set off.  Minutes later, we met a puppy boxer dog called Charlie and a little rascal called Molly, who told me in no uncertain terms that she was in charge of this pack and don't forget it!  I played and played with Charlie and was covered in slobber.  We were out for what seemed like hours.
We're home now and I am flaked out on the landing of the kennel.  I think I like it here and the old woman seems to like me too. Asked me when I was coming again.  Gotta dash now for some more ZZZZZZZZZ's

Dear Diary......

Good Consternoon Afterble, as SWMBO is fond of saying - having a distant relationship with the 'Old Bill'.  Well, well, well. There must be much to tell you but I'll be surprised if I can remember everything.  I can never get near this computer these days.  HWMBO is writing what seems to be the longest book in the world.  SWMBO is hoping it's going to be a best seller, so we can all retire to a dog friendly country in a modestly warm climate.  Of course he'll never finish it if she keeps nagging him to do all the chores about the house.

Today I have been for 'Jellification'.  I have been shorn to within an inch of my life.  No matter how badly behaved I try to be, I keep getting taken back there.  In fact, I didn't think I was looking too bad and nor did Mrs. Jelley, so I tried to walk right back out of there.  SWMBO had other thoughts and now I need to stay in the warm and dry.  Talking of which, she had me out today with Lady and Benson on Epsom Downs and there was a thunder storm going on.  Well, I couldn't hear the thunder but I certainly saw the flashes.

Lady?  I hear you ask.  Well, Lady is my cousin and her mum has to work long hours this week, so Lady has come for a little holiday with us until Saturday.  She is deaf like me and a little nervous but I'm taking good care of her.  The first night she stayed, SWMBO felt sorry for her and let her come up to the master (or should that be mistress?) bedroom.  I soon nodded off but Lady went on walkabout for some time before she settled.  HWMBO said she made noises all night in her sleep.  I never heard them but I must say she does suffer from wind and I can hear that!!  Being a gentleman though, I pretend not to notice.

The photo above is Lady last night on my bed (she brought her own). I've heard of Red Eye but never green eye!  What sort of camera are they using?

Last night, we were all watching Bouquet of Barbed Wire and didn't notice Lady slip out and perform a nuisance on the kitchen floor.  Sadly, that action made SWMBO change her mind about the sleeping arrangements and Lady was relegated to the hall and kitchen overnight.  Once again she went walkabout and her footsteps could be heard for at least half an hour before she lay down.  (So I'm told - I was in the land of nod almost immediately.)  I managed to sleep through the night for a change and when we went downstairs, unfortunately there was another smelly nuisance on the kitchen floor.

SWMBO blames herself.  She has been giving Lady nice tasty treats that she's not used to and so today, she has been placed on her regular diet regimen.  Watch this space for tomorrow's update.

Going backwards in time now.  Last week, I was on a little holiday of my own.  I went to stay with Val & Eric whilst Mum and Dad went to Liverpool for The Mathew St. Festival, which celebrates The Beatles - whoever they are.  They did ask me but I declined the invitation.  Anyhow, whilst on a walk with Eric, I met a little puppy and played with him.  The puppy's owner thought I was a puppy myself.  What do think about that then?  Obviously the arthritis was on holiday too that day.

Whilst away, SWMBO arranged for another Cinnamon Trust lady - Judy - to walk Benson.  This she did a couple of times over the weekend.  Then Benson's owner fell ill and had to go to the hospital for a day.  Judy was kind enough to rush over and take Benson to her house for the day.  Well, Judy has a big garden and Benson apparently checked it all out.  She has two duckweed covered ponds and Benson tried to be Jesus on both.   He came out all smelly and one can only hope there were no fish in them.

If I've missed anything out, I'll be back very soon with an update.  I have a bit of sleep to catch up on now, having been awake all day. TTFN

I even had to share my bed whilst hers stands empty!

For my faithful followers

SWMBO didn't want me to put this photograph on my blog - but who's blog is it anyway?  She thinks she looks like a man.  Well, I didn't argue.  The gorgeous creature with her is Eddy, who you will remember is my cousin who lives in Torquay.  They were sailing down to Dartmouth from Totnes as I recall, without me.  I was no doubt living it up in Molesey with my other mum and dad, Val and Eric.

I may not have been very vocal recently but it's been all go this end.  Charlie and Benson have had kennel cough and Molly has had conjunctivitis.  Trixie Belle of Ewell - Charlie and Molly's cousin - has had the cough too.

One day I actually had SWMBO to myself for a walk. Mum had to take Benson to the 'vitnary' and go and get him his meds.  Charlie and Molly were in quarantine and then Benson was.  For some unknown reason, Molly and I seem to have got away with it.  My claws are crossed and I hope I haven't barked too soon.  Perhaps because we are older dogs.  One day, as Benson was stir crazy, his Mum called my Mum and asked her to take him out as he was driving her nuts.  In the mean time, I have been walking with my bitches, Elle and Cindy.  I love their company and their aroma.  Benson does too.  He's back walking with us now.  Today he was scooting along the grass on his itchy bottom, with his lipstick on show.  No class Border Collies.  No class at all.

I can still pull 'em

Evening all. I must apologise for my absence on line but sometimes life just takes over.  I'm normally asleep so I don't notice but not much has been occurring in this kennel. This is a picture of me with a puppy that was born at Mrs. Jelley's house to Sienna.  She appears to like me don't you think?  Mrs. Jelley is my groomer, you may remember. 

I went to Richmond Park today with Benson.  We met Dawn and her young charge Martha.  We had to take in the swings and slides in the children's play area but Benson, SWMBO and I had to stay outside.  I was too busy trying to sniff out rabbits and Benson was chasing the ball, so we didn't mind the humans enjoying themselves elsewhere.  After the walk, Benson fell in love with a randy 9 year old Staffie called Grace.  Grace?  Trollop more like.  She was walking all funny with her tail over to one side and giving Benson the come on.  Benn never needs much encouragement and before long he was getting very intimate with her exposed bottom.  I heard SWMBO saying to him, 'Well you're not licking me anymore today'.  Benn becomes totally deaf when he's in love and SWMBO had a hard time separating the two lovelorn pooches.  Grace was off lead and followed us, presumably with the intention of swapping telephone numbers or email addresses with Benn but eventually she gave up when we were both dragged to a picnic area.  Martha was given a sausage sandwich and I know from experience that children get bored eating and it's just a waiting game.  Before you knew it I was partaking in sausage and french bread with ketchup.  Benn refused to eat, being so in love with Grace, so I had the lot.

Hello strangers

Did you wonder where I was?  It's been a bit quiet round these here parts since last week.  SWMBO is unwell.  What a drama queen.  I'd heard talk of them going to Dover on Saturday - without moi I might add.  So, on Friday afternoon, we went to Val & Eric's kennel and I stayed overnight.  She was looking a little peaky I must say but I noticed there was nothing at all wrong with her appetite.  HWMBO drove her home and I barked and barked until they were out of view.  At 4am in the morning, I woke Eric up by putting my paw on his arm and he took me downstairs and into the garden.  I know what you're thinking - but imagine the alternative.  Well, I was most surprised when mid morning, HWMBO came to collect me.  We went home and the kennel was like a morgue (not that I'd know what a morgue looks like!) with the curtains closed and SWMBO trying to sleep but just coughing and complaining.  HWMBO kept trying to put drops in her eyes but she was resisiting and squealing like a stuck pig.  I was trying to sleep myself actually.

So, on Sunday, I went out with Dad.  In the park we met Charles and Molly Ward.  Always good to see them.  Well, I thought so, but Charles play bit Dad's watch and cracked the glass.  I understand the repair and the service of said watch are the price of a b****y mortgage.  Odd really, when I know SWMBO didn't pay all that much for it when they were on holiday in Jersey.  Not that he knows of course.

So, I haven't seen Benson since Friday morning.  Good thing really, because he weed on my head.  I don't think he did it on purpose but you never know with those pesky border collies.  My white fur turned yellow and I had to have another shampoo and blow dry.

Yesterday, I wasn't walked at all.  Mum stayed in bed and I thought I'd have a day off but today she got dressed for the first time in what seems like days.  When she puts on her socks, I know I'm going out and I start getting all unecessary.  Two hours later and I started to think she was playing with me.  Mind games I think they call it.  So I kept following her from room to room until she felt guilty and it worked.  We only went to the little park nearby but it was OUT of the kennel.  SWMBO was eating blackberries that were growing wild.  I hope she doesn't get sick again.  I also hope no other dog had watered them first!!

The dog you see above, is - or should I say was, Billy.  Mum used to walk Billy and Poppy on Epsom Common on a Sunday morning but Billy died.  We carried on walking Poppy until Christmas but we don't go there any more.  We've got Benson now.

No - it's no one we know, just a cute puppy dog.  SWMBO has a soft spot for collies - goodness knows why - they are hyperactive and I wouldn't call her that particularly. So what's new in my life since I last posted?  After all that frenetic energy I expended on Saturday, I took it easy on Sunday morning with Benson, Chaz and Molly.  They are a funny double act.  When they get out of their moving kennel, and are still attached to their leads, Chaz pulls Molly along by her leash and her feet don't touch the ground.  She's not very happy about this but it's fun to watch.

Monday evening I was taken out to Molesey for a barbeque. This was at Malcolm and Sandra's house and I was reminded of a time long ago, when I attended their kennel one Sunday afternoon.  I was wandering around the garden leaving my mark on every plant they owned, when I suddenly realised that there was a rabbit in close vicinity.  I got the scent and started to run up and down the wall that separated me from my quarry.  If only I'd known that the wall got lower at one end, I'd have had that creature on the barby before you could say 'Duracell bunny'. So, they tied me to Dad's chair.  Big mistake.  I pretended  to have forgotten about the rabbit and planned my move carefully.  The wall was made of bricks with holes in them, so I could see exactly what was going on in the neighbour's garden.  Just when I thought I could have that bunny in one leap, I made my move.  Sadly I had forgotten that I was attached to Dad's wooden garden chair.  Suddenly I was wearing gin and tonic and HWMBO was sprawled over the lawn shouting at me.  For some unknown reason, he sent me to Coventry for the rest of the day and I spent the next hour in the boot of the moving kennel until SWMBO calmed him down.

Anyway, the rabbit is no more, so I just checked out the garden for foxes.  I did my starving dog thing again and was rewarded with sausages and left over chicken.  No I know this is getting repetitive but I brought up all I'd eaten in the last few hours.  I only do it if I have an audience.  I quickly ate it all up again but still didn't feel right, so I started to eat grass.  That did the trick and I was sick again.  This time it was all picked up and I had to go hungry until the next day.  There was talk of a visit to the vitnary if this keeps on, so I'd better not overdo it methinks. 

This morning after we'd collected Benson, we had to go to HIS vitnary.  He had a tick attached to his inner ear and he was crying like a stuck pig.  What a puppy.  For a horrible moment, I thought I was going to get treatment but I was only taken in because it was too hot in the car.  It was all over in a second and then we went to the park.  Imagine my huge delight when the lovely Ellie and Cindy showed up.  This time it was Benson's turn to suck up to Cindy and my goodness did he try his luck.  She didn't mind but her sister Ellie did and kept telling him off.  By the way, Ellie ignored me - after all that flirting on Saturday!  Bitches, I'll never understand them.

Here come the girls

I fancy I mentioned I had the company of two ladies last night.  I was combed to within an inch of my life and a new pad was applied to my nether regions.  I'd forgotten just how charming a lady's company can be - Molly doesn't count because she's like a sister to me - and she bites my undercarriage when I jump out of the car boot.  Where was I?  Oh yes, the lovely girls - my bitches - Ellie and Cindy.  I haven't seen them since I last wet my pants in their kennel a few months ago.  As soon as they arrived I showed them around the garden.   I'm guessing the yelling from SWMBO was encouragement, so we trampled over the flower beds some more.

Well, dear reader how can I put this?  I still have 'IT'. Oh yes, I might be coming up 105 but that Ellie was putty in my paws.  She was flirting with me like never before and I swear I heard her pant 'Take me'.  I made her wait.  I had a few party tricks up my dew claw to show the ladies.  I know you've heard about them before dear reader but they hadn't seen my repertoire, so I sicked up my dinner and ate it all up in front of them.  It always brings the kennel down and makes the humans wretch. Laugh? I would have but I had to eat quickly before the girls ate my dinner for me. Then I licked and licked their Mum's legs until SWMBO was apologising and dragging me away - telling Sandra he's never done that before!?!?  What is she like?

Now correct me if I'm wrong but does this look like a 'come on' to you?  I took it to be so and shortly after tried to get stuck in - literally!  Well bark about coitus interruptus - this was more like coitus non startus.  What on earth was the panic about?  I'm only firing blanks anyway.  She was just asking for it the hussey.  I felt a hand on my collar and soon it was all over.  She still carried on before me but from then on I played hard to get.

We had a nice evening and after I'd licked all the left over curry, we had a nice sleep.  Then we had another photo shoot.  SWMBO tried to get us all sitting in a line and offered us Schmackos as a kind of bribe.  We knew the score and having got a treat - legged it.  I think we finished a bag of 24 treats before she gave up.  Cindy was a real babe in arms and sits on her mummy's knee like a puppy.

The second highlight for me and Dad, was when Cindy came out from under the sofa in the conservatory covered in cobwebs.  SWMBO was mortified and

as soon as the guests had gone, she was on her hands and knees with a feather duster under the conservatory furniture.  Too late - Cindy had already done the job.

Can't stop - I'm entertaining tonight

Bon soir mes amis. I don't have long to talk, as I am getting myself ready for some female company this evening. My bow tie is on - straight - for a change and I'm having a combing as I write. A little Old Spice behind my manly furry ears and I'll be all set. I'll take my nappy off before they arrive. What a lovely surprise to hear that my old friends Ellie and Cindy are coming to play in my garden. I'm feeling frisky at the very thought. Check back soon to hear how my double date went. Hopefully there'll be photos!!

Full of the joys of July

Hot off the press - this was me yesterday as soon as I got back from 'Jellification'.  I forgot to put on my Raybans, so although I look asleep upright - I am shielding my eyes from the harmful rays of the sun.  I'm not bad for an old fella am I?  Although you cannot tell from the photo, I smell good too.  You wouldn't think I am nearly 105 years old would you?

Leg warmers

Before you ask - I haven't a clue.  However, this dog has guts or mad owners. My friend Benjy from Warlingham sent me this snap.  She's kinda cute I think - well I'm presuming it's a she dog.  Who knows these days?  It may be a boy dog getting in touch with his feminine side.  If you know who this is, please leave a comment.

Dear oh dear - Charles Ward let himself down in our house yesterday.  His owners are still having a good time on holiday without him and I am still sharing my owners to make him and Molly feel better.  I believe they'll be home Thursday. Charles and Molly came over yesterday after SWMBO took them for a walk (without me I might add).  In our garage lives a sack of dried dog food, which is on the floor.  SWMBO trusts me not to eat from the sack and I respect that trust.  Not so Charlie.  Before you could say 'the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog', he was in head first and didn't come out until the sack was a lot lighter.  He then proceeded to pull apart one of my toys until he got out the squeaker.  He then trashed it.  I thought he'd never settle down and he played with Molly all evening.  At one point he went out and stood in some doggie doo-doos.  He then danced it onto the lounge carpet, the stairs and the bathroom floor.  He must have also stood in the shower cubicle because that needed cleaning too.  SWMBO sniffed it and went to get the pet stain remover but she told HWMBO that it was only mud.  Who was she kidding?  My sensitive nostrils are still smarting.  She spent the next half an hour on her knees with a cloth and spray.  I heard her tell Hayley - their guardian - 'We'll have them any time'  I think she's a good actress.

This morning in the dining room, in a hundred pieces, was a blue car sponge which Chaz must have found in the garage.  Laugh?  I nearly passed the bones around.

Today I was taken for 'Jellification'. That's their code word for a grooming appointment. The lady's name is Val Jelley and I guess they think it's funny and I'm daft.  As soon as I arrive at Val's house, I shiver and shake and try to go in the opposite direction.  I'm dragged into the poodle parlour and for two hours have to endure many indignities including have my bottom squeezed.  (Anal glands for the uninitiated).  I have tried to make it difficult for Val but she struggles on valiantly (Like that?  Valiantly) Why am I making little jokes? I hate it there. On the way out I always try to have a wee, just to let them all know how I hate going there.  However, now I wear a belly band, I'm not upsetting anyone apart from myself.  Anyway, it's over for a few more weeks and I get a lot more cuddles when I look so gorgeous and smell so sweet.  I'll get SWMBO to take a fresh snap of me and I'll share my good looks with you tomorrow.

Separation Anxiety

Remember Charlie and Molly?  Well whilst their owners are sunning themselves and feeding stray dogs on the beach in Turkey, I have been trying to take their minds off the separation.  To that end, I am willing to share my owners if it makes the week go faster for them.  HWMBO had a day at home so SWMBO got him out of bed early - and that was no mean feat - and she made him accompany me, Benson, Chaz and Molly to the park.  The boys lost the new green tennis ball within minutes of getting there and we spent a boring 15 minutes looking for it.  I thought border collies were smarter than that - but apparently not.  We were out for well over an hour.  We all had a great time and just near the end, Charlie ran after a jogger - or so we thought.  SWMBO tried to run after Charlie and frankly dear reader it was not a pretty sight.  Wibble wobble - too many of those Milkyway Way desserts me thinks.  However Charlie had other plans and led us all to a filthy pond.  As I was way behind the others, I was collared in the nick of time but the other three were in a state.  Benson's owner Olive, must have been shocked to see her lovely dog so dirty and completely covered in burs and grass seeds.  I heard SWMBO making a grooming appointment for later this week, so I really wanted to make it worth while but I was the cleanest.
On Saturday, SWMBO went out for the day and during the morning, HWMBO had a man come round to do a job on his kennel on wheels.  I hate being ignored and left alone and so I ran around the house checking all the rooms and ended up on the bed of my mum and dad.  Saturday is 'change the sheets day', so the bed was unmade and only the duvet cover remained in a heap in the centre of the bed.  I was so distracted, barking and whining, that I hadn't noticed that HWMBO had come back in the kennel and was advancing up the stairs to see what all the noise was about.  Imagine his surprise to discover me atop of the duvet on the bed, (with my back and bad joints!) barking for England and having a wee at the same time.  Well if SWMBO were there, I don't think I'd have been told off quite as much.  Suffice to say I kept a low profile for the rest of the day until she came home.  When he told her all about it, I pretended to sleep but I did hear her say that it was his fault for leaving the bedroom doors open.  And I agree!

Milly Molly Mandy

This is Ruby.  I have never met Ruby and frankly I wouldn't have posted a photograph of the poor dog showing off all its bits and pieces but I'm told we live in a more liberated world nowadays.  But she does have potential to become a fine English Springer.  She belongs to Karen & Bob and I think she must be bigger than this now.

I don't have much to tell you really apart from the fact that I had the pleasure of Molly's company for a few hours.  Her owners have gone on holiday and left Charles and Molly at home with Hayley. Charles was taken to the vitnary's to stay with Hayley at work and Molly turned up at some ungodly hour in the morning and woke me from my dreams of chasing anything furry.  From that moment on I couldn't sleep.  We're a bit of a double act when together and we beg for treats continuously.  I can't sleep thinking she's getting more treats than me.  When SWMBO gets on the computer (when is she ever off it?) Molly  insists on sitting on her knee. After we'd had to sit through Desperate Housewives - last episode in this series, we were put in the car and first of all took Aunty Michelle to the station.  Then we collected Benson and all three of us were squashed unceremoniously in the rear, standing on each others paws.

The walk was super and whilst Molly and Benson went after the ball, I just trotted beside my mum until it was time to go home.  We dropped off Benson and we were all invited into the back garden whilst Olive and SWMBO had coffee and biscuits.  She knows my favourites are ginger shortbread but even though I was looking very appealing, I got none.  Molly went on a patrol of the garden and managed to squeeze herself right behind the shed.  She was gone a while, whilst I was doing my starving dog appeal and when she came out she had found a whole cooked sausage.  Talk about the luck of the Irish Wolfhound! AND she didn't share it.  She'd better not wake me up early again tomorrow.

Benson in the dog house

Good morrow dear reader.  I have been taken to Richmond Park today with Benson.  I like to go there for the new smells.  There are creatures with horns that live there and I've chased a few in my time.  Now I can't be bothered.  Not so Benson though, so I help SWMBO look out for them, so we can go the other way. Well, we were walking along minding our own business, well Benson wasn't actually.  He's into everything and everybody - more of which later.  SWMBO  spotted a strange man lurking behind a big tree.  She hung back and decided to give him a wide berth.  He kept leaning around the tree, checking on us.  I wasn't scared at all and Benson wasn't either because he ran straight around the tree and flushed out a woman!  We don't know what they were doing but both were adjusting their dress as they emerged.  They were looking a bit cross now I come to think about it.  Humans, I never can fathom them out.
We then went to Pembroke Lodge for a fatty latte and SWMBO's friend, Dawn appeared out of the blue with a human child of about 14 dog years - going on 21 dog years.  I like children but I couldn't eat a whole one.  I'd probably just leave the head again.  (See previous post)
Well, we were just taking in the view and the smells, when a dog came up to us to bark, 'Hi - how's it hanging fellas?'  Benson put his ears back and was obviously very interested in the pooch.  So, then what does he do - but cock his leg over SWMBO's trousers!  I was snorting with delight.  Fresh on today and smelling of Oxydol or something similar.  She wasn't too impressed.  Anyway, the conversation went on, and on and on and we just wanted to go home for a rest.  Then a man came up to stroke Benson.  You'll never guess what he did!  Yes, he cocked his leg on his trousers too.  SWMBO screamed No and the man cleared off on the hurry up.  In Benson's defence, there wasn't much to come out because we'd had our walk but I'm just glad it wasn't me in the dog house for a change.  Ah well,  must be time for a few Z's before dinner. Chow!

A Right Charlie

Since I have become midly famous, I have had begging letters from other dogs just queuing up to be on my blog.  Now this is Charlie of Warlingham.  I have never met him but I understand I share my chews and dog treats with him.  He's only small, so I figure he can't eat that many.  Can he?  I also understand that he has to work for his treat.  He talks, chases his tail, rolls over and plays dead.  Some clever canine.

I don't have much to tell you really.  I was taken up to Epsom Downs today with Benson, where we met Nicki (my second Mum), Molly and Charles Ward.  Benson and Charles get on famously together but the three other dogs were all playing chase the stinky, slimey, used to be green tennis ball.  Have they nothing better to do?  I usually get knocked over at least once and today was no exception.  When we got back, SWMBO was rushing about and I realised, as the slap went on, that they were going out.  I was dispatched to Molly's house for the day.  Yesterday, Michelle found a tick on my skin.  How degrading! Let's just keep this to ourselves.  In the Sunday Telegraph (yes, I can read!) they say that this is the year for ticks.  Oh great - how good is that?  I need all my blood thank you very much.  So, whilst at Molly's house, Hayley, the 'vitnary' nurse was tasked to perform an operation on my delicate flesh.  Before you could shout Get Down Shep, it was off me. Lewis (Molly's pack member, who was 126 in dog years yesterday) was less than impressed with my parasite.

Then I wet my nappy - sorry belly band.  Nicki had to send a text message to SWMBO whilst they were having a curry - to ask if she could go in the house and find a new dry nappy.

They eventually came and got me and I was deliriously happy - until some medicine was squirted into my mouth, without so much as a by your leave.  My poorly paw has been worrying me again so I have taken to licking the nail bed to make it sorer.  Anyone would think I liked going to the 'vitnary'.  So, now I am sporting a belly band and a ladies black sock with a diamante bow on it - held up with a black hair elastic.  All I need now, to complete the ensemble, is one of my fine bandanas.  Give me strength.

Horses

Hello dog lovers!  (Was that presumptious?) Possibly.

This is a picture of Whippy.  I know this blog is often like a dog cemetary but compared to humanoids, we're not here that long.  I am showing you this snap because her owner has come to stay for a few days. This was Whippy in her prime but she's no longer with us.  She's sitting on a cloud with Barbara Woodhouse at the helm. It's HWMBO's birthday on Monday and as a surprise, his daughter Michelle has come to visit for a few days. I guess she's my step sister right? I was placed in the boot of the car yesterday and was expecting to go on a walk, but we went to the train station, where we waited on the platform.  SWMBO sat on a bench seat and I went underneath for some shade and had a little sniff around.  I really didn't mean to make the large lady on the other side jump - honest.  I just made myself known through the slats and she jumped up and told SWMBO to keep her dog under control. Some people have no sense of fun. Anyways, I thought we were going somewhere on the train but when it came to a halt, lots of people got off and some even came and stroked me.  Then right at the back, I smelled a familiar family member and it was Whippy's owner Michelle.  Dad was at Henley and didn't know she was coming and he got a great surprise when he came home.  I have been out today with the usual pack, Benson, Charlie and Molly.  She had to wake me up to go.  I thought, 'This had better be worth it.'  Nothing much to report, apart from Benson carrying the largest log I'd ever seen in one dog's mouth and we all had to get out of his way before he knocked us over.

I was thinking about a great walk I had some time ago, when I could run well. I was put in the car and was driven many many miles to a location in the country.  When I got out of the boot, I saw millions of dogs who looked like me.  It was a Welsh Springer reunion type thing.  We all went on a super walk over moorland and once off the lead, I got lost in a sea of red and white dog.  They who must be obeyed were worried because they couldn't pick me out but I knew exactly where they were and kept coming back to them to show them I cared. Half way round the walk, we passed a stud farm.  Inside a glorious paddock, where several sleek looking stallions and other wonderful horses.

Frankly they looked so bored, just chomping away on the grass, blah blah blah, that I thought I'd give them a run for their money.  Surely they couldn't run as fast as me.  I told many of the other Welshies to follow my lead but they all 'Welshed' out on me and I went in alone.  I soon stirred them up and suddenly, I was being chased by one.  All hell broke loose and the humans started screaming, 'Get that dog under control'.  I ran round and round the paddock as if my life depended on it - and I have since reflected that it probably did.  Anyway, I escaped without injury and went to find SWMBO.  I was most suprised when she turned away and pretended she didn't know me.  Everyone was looking very disapprovingly at me but hey - no harm done.  I was absolutely exhausted by the end of the walk and oddly, we don't go any more. Laters.

Still here - just

No, I haven't gone barking mad.  I thought this photograph might put an end to the moggie shots.  Not only do I look fierce in this snap but I thought it might cool us down a little.  I have heard no more about the cats although there was a discussion about names for them - once they know they know if they are bitch cats or dog cats - if you get my drift.  Who cares, because once you're adopted, you get taken to the vets and lose all your bits anyway.  I know - it happened to me.  Long before I knew Those who must be obeyed, I belonged to a family in Plympton.  They'd paid good money for me and I believe I had show potential.  Then my first owners got an English Springer Spaniel, who didn't speak Welsh.  I think that was the problem.  He must have told them bad things about me in English and the next thing you know, I'm getting the chop in my down belows and then I'm put up for adoption.  So, dear reader, I come from a broken home.  I was an unwanted pooch.  Then one day they who must be obeyed turned up and took me on holiday to a caravan  near Beer in Devon.  I was unaware I was on trial, otherwise I might have been a bit better behaved. 

Why oh why did they take me to a donkey sanctuary on day one?  I spent the afternoon walking around on my hind legs trying to attack each and everyone of those poor orphaned creatures.  I was young and foolish in those days.  I chased cyclists, joggers, sheep - anything really because I didn't know what they were.  Since this has turned into a confession spot, I may as well tell you I once killed a pet rabbit.  There ~ it's out.  I do regret this incident and I cannot promise it won't happen again but honesty is the best policy and anyway, I wanted you to see why I am the way I am.  I realise it's too late for therapy but quite frankly you cannot beat a bit of raw bunny.  (I left the head)  Where was I?  Oh the nice caravan.  My new owners closed all the curtains in the caravan all day long because whenever I saw anyone walking past, I barked the place down.  We sat in semi-darkness for a week and they played cards with a torch.  I had such a nice time though, that I left the owners of the caravan a little gift. Yes, you've guessed it - fleas.  The owners of the van were glad I had a nice vacation and were too polite to even mention my little gift.

I can't remember why I'm telling you all this now. Back to the present. While I was depressed yesterday, I mooched around the house and worried about how I was going to be a doggie version of Bear Grylls, when I ran away today.  I was given my usual chicken and rice and at the end of the night just before we retired to bed, I went out with SWMBO on slug patrol.  They both went off to bed and I found a delicious bowl of chicken and dog meal, which was left out for Mr. Reynard.  I didn't realise it but I was locked out of the house.  My survival skills were being tested sooner than I had anticipated.  Well, I'd nearly eaten it all, when I was suddenly dragged by the collar back into the house.  I settled down with a big sigh and passed just a little gas - to demonstrate I was replete and I  had quite a good night's sleep all in all.

This morning I noticed I was being cossetted a little more than usual and in the park, I was unable to stray far away from her side.  Benson was running sheepdog rings around us in any event, so my escape will have to be postponed I fear.  I think she may have read my blog because she keeps getting down on the floor to cuddle me.  I'm not keen on such slushy demonstrations of lovey-dovey and I always get up and move as far away as I can.  Under the current state of play however, I may have to endure a few love-ins, to make sure the cats are kept at bay.  Hey ho!

This has now become ridiculous....

I know what you're thinking.  I was thinking it too.  Is this a blog for dogs - the superior species - or for cats?  However, I now have the evidence I need.  Every two weeks or so, SWMBO clears off for a few hours and comes home smelling very strange.  Now I know what that odd odour is.  She's going to a cat house.  I always had my suspicions.  What a turncoat she turned out to be.

I think I'm depressed now. I know I'm old and not expected to make 16 but I'm afraid she might be going to get a kitten in my place.  What shall I do?  I may try to be better behaved but I think I'm perfect already.  What if I promise not to lick anyone's legs again? 

During the early hours of this morning I was wandering around the bedroom panting and deliberately ignoring my water bowl.  Then I kind of lost my balance and went down with a thud against their bed.  Then I held my breath - just to worry them.  It seemed to work and they both  rushed to my side thinking I'd panted my last pant.  I wanted to bark 'Only kidding' but I was too hot and bothered. She did feed me fresh chicken tonight though.  Is that a good sign? Now I know they're thinking of adopting a kitten, I might make it easier for them and get lost in the park tomorrow.  As I'm slighty 'mutton' it won't be hard. What do you think dear reader?  Only sensible suggestions please.

Did I mention . . . .

Did I mention I was incontinent? This is not for the faint hearted amongst you but it's a fact of life and getting older.  I mean it's not bad but I am of a certain age and I have that gentleman's condition of a leaky valve. However, I understand that I am loved unconditionally. I mean after all, it can't be long before SWMBO becomes a Tena Lady and I hope HWMBO doesn't dispose of her!! So, in an effort to protect the carpets - I am embarrassed to say that I now wear what she calls a Belly Band but for the purposes of this journal, let's just call it a nappy. I mean it's really cool - it came all the way from America and the pattern of the fabric and everything - but still embarrassing. I often hear her tell anyone who'll listen, that she's mortified having to buy incontinence pads in the grocery store. She makes it worse by saying 'They're for the dog'. This usually gets a laugh at my expense. How can I ever grace the aisles of John Sainsbury's again? She's embarrassed!? She doesn't have to wear it.

Now this is becoming ridiculous.  Who the devil is this?  I've never even sniffed this creature.  Who's blog is it anyway?  He's kinda cute mind.  I think his name might be Bertie from The Isle of Man.  This blog is obviously international now. 
I've been out for my perambulation with Benson already.  There has been a blip in the weather and we had rain today.  SWMBO went out dressed for summer without a coat or brolly and half the walk was stationary underneath a leaky tree, because she was at the hairdresser's yesterday.  I wish she would let me into her secret - because I'm quite grey around the muzzle now ......

Is the England team playing today Terry?

Where to start?  First of all - who is this?

I'm told that this was mum's first dog Moss -and he came from Battersea Dog's Home a long time ago in dog years. I've heard tell he was near perfect.  And your point is what?  Where are you going with this I hear myself asking?  Anyway, he's history.  More about me.  I'm really not sleeping well in this heat and as I've said before - that means nobody sleeps well.  They leave the fan on all night and have even brought up my water bowl, which SWMBO walks into EVERY night without fail.  Words are spoken - far too impolite for this post. Nothing to do with me.  Do you remember I told you I might be going to the vet's?  Well, it happened.  I trembled in trepidation in the waiting room but it wasn't too bad.  A nice lady vet fondled my hairy body and she did not hurt me.  I even saw Hayley there  (Charles and Molly's pack member).  Money changed hands and I thought I'd got away lightly considering.  Imagine my reaction later, when I had a syringe thrust into my mouth and an awful substance squirted towards my throat.  Do they think I'm a junkie?

  It's supposed to help with my mobility - well we'll see.  Now I know what to watch out for - they're going to have trouble catching me.  I left my dinner last night.  Too hot to eat and I do have to watch my figure after all.  It seems to be a theme in this house.  White Chocolate Milky Bar dessert not withstanding.
I wasn't expecting to be writing today - it being so hot an' all and quite frankly I didn't have any new material to share.  That all changed however, when we went on an early morning walk with the neighbours.  Benson was collected and off we went up to Epsom Downs.  There was a race on though and there was nowhere to park.  So we changed direction and went off to Epsom/Ashtead Common.  Well these extra miles are hard on an old fella's bladder and thank goodness she keeps a few old blankets in the boot for us dogs.  That's all I shall say.  We got there eventually and I was reminded of when I used to go there every Sunday morning.  Today however, there was no Poppy but there was me, Benson, Charles, Molly and the beautiful princess Trixie, Belle of Ewell.  (Yes, we're talking posh pooch here - gets carried in a bejewelled dog bag etc. Very precious)  Benson was in total awe of her bottom for the whole walk.
Well, what a pack we were. The woods were heaving with dogs, cyclists and even horses.  Charles disgraced himself and tried to eat the horse poo.  Benson was put on the lead because he chases horses and I went into the muckiest pool imaginable.  Because I'm not good on my paws these days, I slipped and took a tumble head first and came out black, from nose to tail.  My goodness it felt good.  We passed a stream where SWMBO fell last winter and landed up right in the drink.  It still makes me chuckle, even now.  I think the best bit was when she had to empty out her wellies. I digress.
Charlie and Molly found another green slime covered pond and jumped in without a care for all the screaming from their owners.  Molly came out totally covered in green pond slime like a green monster.  You  had to be there - you really did.  I laughed, especially when Charlie jumped up at his owner Terry and covered him with slobber and pond slime.  I know it's unkind but Terry was wearing a bright red England T-Shirt and I guess he had it coming.  I mean, we all had to walk around with him for nearly two hours - pretending we didn't know him.  Laugh . . . you couldn't make it up.  I feel a long siesta coming on.

For Sas

Hello Saskia.  I heard through the grapevine that you are one of my followers.  It's nice to know someone has the time to read about my life.  I understand you like Molly.  Everyone does - she's co cute.  In her picture, she's eating one third of a chew that my owner bought for Charlie but as we were all fighting over it, it was split into three pieces.  I'm getting very hungry right now and I cannot smell anything cooking.  Now I know how HWMBO feels. 

I need sleep

This is SWMBO and her friend Jill.  What were they thinking?  I thought they were supposed to set an example.  Now I know why she tries to make me wear antlers every Christmas.  Once, in Torquay at Christmas, poor Eddy and I had to wear a whole Santa outfit for a whole walk to the local hostelry on Christmas Day.  When we got there, I just put my head under the patio table and worked upon the assumption that if I can't see anyone, they can't see me.

I'm not liking this heat.  Every night I walk around my owners' bed panting.  If I'm awake I want everyone to be awake.  If they don't wake up immediately, I shake - thereby making a rattling sound with my name tag.  That always gets them going.  There's normally some sort of discussion about who's turn is it?  Oddly I never hear HWMBO's voice and I'm taken down and out by herself.  Sometimes I 'need out' but sometimes I just like to check the kennel and garden for Mr. Reynard the fox.  I always take my time because it's nice and cool and I know SWMBO can't shout at me in the middle of the night.  When I'm ready, I have a long drink of water and saunter back up to my bed beside their bed.  I let out a huge sigh and am asleep before you know it.  Sometimes SWMBO wakes me up with mutterings of I can't get back to sleep.  Whatever!!

I heard a rather worrying 'phone call ealier.  SWMBO called someone as I was drifting in and out of sleep pretending to be deaf but my ears pricked up when I heard her say, 'He tried to cock his leg for a wee but just fell over.'  Now, I don't know if she was talking about me or HWMBO.  But the time of 3pm was mentioned.  This can only mean pain and more tablets.  Sniff this space for more news.

Good woofning

Hello!

This is Molly - the sister of Charles Ward.  She was rescued some years ago by the warm-hearted Ward family, having followed Lewis home from school.  She is a lovely little dog and is good with me, all humans, even babies (unlike me) but I think she may be a Schizophrenic on the quiet.  She absolutely detests all dogs smaller than herself (you wouldn't think there were that many would you?) Jack Russells and Staffies - and anything else that gets in her way.  She may need counselling.  SWMBO adores her and when she's at our kennel, she gets to sit on her knee whilst she's on the computer and watching tv.  I of course am not allowed this privilege.  Huh!

Well yesterday I outshone myself.  We were invited to Sue's house to play cards with some of Sue's friends - Mathilde and Pat.   These ladies do not own dogs themselves and SWMBO was hoping I'd impress them with my good behaviour.  Well I can't see what I did wrong - I really can't.  It was business as usual as far as I was concerned.  I really liked Pat and I licked her legs until my tongue was sore and until she put hers legs up on the patio table. Every time she put them within reach, I licked some more.  Suddenly I found myself tied up to the parasol!  Then I went behind a lovely Acer tree and sicked up my dinner.  I thought my wretching noises were discreet but I heard a lot of commotion behind me.  Then I brought up some more on the patio.  I think it's the medication I've been on.  Well, what normally happens is, I eat it all up again - and was intending to do so again but before you could call Lassie in on the case, it had all been disposed off.  Thereafter I was starving.  Thankfully I got more dinner when I got back to our kennel.  I wish she'd stop typing now though, as I want my walk.  Oh, here we go....

Let me introduce you to Charles Ward

Good Woofternoon.

  This is Charlie, of whom you have heard mention.  He's the new pooch on the block and lives two kennels down from us.In this snap it looks like he has only three legs but it's trick photography!  Charlie was rescued by Nicki recently and has had four homes in his short life.  He has done well for himself now however.  He and Benson love playing together when we go out in a pack.  Today, one of his owners, Lewis, noticed he was very poorly and covered in lumps.  The vet thinks he may have swallowed a bee and went into anaphylactic shock.  He seems to be ok now thank goodness.  (Drama queen - I like all the attention.)  SWMBO went round with a big treat for him and I'm happy to say it was shared out between him, me and Molly, his sister.  (More of whom later)

Goodness it's been hot today. I wish I could shed this fur coat. I have refused my dinner again - as they are still putting tablets in it.  I may eat it later when they're not looking.  She's off out again but himself's home.  I suppose we'll have to watch war films again - or Sci-Fi.  I may just doze off ....................

Bonnie - R.I.P.

Hello woofers!  Taffy Till here.  I hope all the dogs you know had  lovely walks this weekend.  I know I did. However,  I usually have SWMBO to myself but she collected Benson both Saturday & Sunday.  I like the company actually.  I got a nice treat from Mrs James when we got back - so walking with an overactive, 2 year old, border collie does have its compensations.
This is a picture of my old friend Bonnie Fogg, who is no longer with us.  She has gone to meet Barbara Woodhouse in doggie heaven.  She was a lovely old girl and we all miss her.
I heard SWMBO on the phone to the RSPCA last night. She always notices a tethered horse in between 2 busy carriageways near the A3. It's alone and must be terrified of the noise.  However, apparently it's not cruel and the inspector has plenty of emergencies to attend to, so the operator would not be passing on the details.  I heard raised voices by the end of the call but to no avail.  Goodness, I hope she's not going to rescue the horse and bring it here.
Well I said I couldn't promise not to chew my sore paw and SWMBO caught me at it at 5.15 am yesterday morning.  I ended up wearing on old odd black sock.  It now has a hole in it and is covered in dog hairs.  I haven't chewed the paw since though.  Every so often I let her think she's won.  I keep getting distracted by a blue bottle fly which is zooming all around me - so I'd better go and catch it.  I have been told to keep quiet because HWMBO has just gone to bed for a sleep, having had a tooth extraction today.  WIMP!  You wanna lose a claw pal - now that's pain!  Adios.

Meet Benson

Hello fellow woofers!

This is my new pal Benson

with whom I share my walks in Nonsuch Park.  His owner Olive, believes he may be just over two years old now.  She rescued him over a year ago and my goodness has he fallen on his paws?  He now has a loving owner and lots of new doggy pals like me.  He tears around the park like a puppy or as if he's on PCP!  Of course, I was just like that once but I let him get on with it now.  The squirrels are his! I often hear SWMBO (she who must be obeyed) saying how handsome he is but she always takes me home at the end of the day.
I have been back to the vet's today.  I tried to be brave but I trembled and quivered like normal.  However, nothing unpleasant happened apart from the fact I heard SWMBO moaning that she had to pay ANOTHER £23.50.  I think I'm worth it.  I have been told not to nibble my foot bit I'm not promising anything.
Anyway, where was I?  Today, we collected Benson and when we got to the park, who was there but Molly, Charlie and their owner Nicki?  I don't think it was a coincidence actually.  Well, not five minutes into the walk, Molly, a fiesty Patterdale Terrier, had a punch up with a Jack Russell.  Fur flew and Molly was limping for a while afterwards.  She stayed on the lead as punishment after that, so I frolicked around in front of her, because I'm a 'Goody-Goody'.  Guess who's just come through the front door?  Molly.  She's staying here for a few hours, whilst her SWMBO has a party of sorts, to which my SWMBO is attending. HWMBO told SWMBO not to spend too much.  (Like she ever listens!)  I wonder if she'll buy something for little old moi.  That's all folks.

Eddy

Woof to all my friends and followers.  This is my cousin Eddy.  She's wearing my bandana.  We were guest dogs at a party in Torquay and we all dressed up.  She's knocking on a bit like me. Everyone loves her.  I only got my folks up twice during the night - as payback.  I tried to bite the hand that was force feeding me my meds but I did get a Cadbury's chocolate button once the tablets had gone down.  Chocolate is bad for me apparently, so I nearly refused it upon principal.  However, seeing the size of my owners hips these days - I thought I'd do her a favour.  I'm a big hearted dog after all!

We went to collect Benson and then went to the park.  I'm not sure if I like Benson.  We sit in the back of the car pretending we cannot see each other.  He takes a shifty sniff of my nether regions when he thinks I'm not looking and I do the same to him.  We don't fight or anything but just do our own thing on the walk. She who must be obeyed ate the rest of the chocolate buttons without sharing them and gave me and Benson some tasteless dog food treats, which were donated to us when Rosie died.  I ask you!  When we got home I settled down for a long sleep, only to find that she was trowelling on the war paint, which lets me know she's off out again.  She claims to love me but never misses something she calls a whist drive.  When she got back, she told me she'd buy me some dried tripe with her winnings of £1.50. Keep it I thought!  Buy yourself some more chocolate buttons.

Call the RSPCA

Well, would you believe it?  Here I am, with a big plaster on my leg (bright red - so they couldn't miss it!) and they go out for lunch and leave me for what seemed like hours.  Just to pay them back, I barked and howled to upset the neighbours until they returned.  Then I only ate half my dinner because I knew there was a painkiller, an antibiotic and a worm tablet mixed in with it all.  Do they think I have no sense of smell?  I may be an old geezer but my nose is still in working order.  I spat out the bits I didn't like on the kitchen floor.  I am now going to sleep round the clock until they try and force feed me with more tablets.  Who'd be a well loved dog?

My first post

Hello dog lovers.  My name is Taffy Till.  Today I ripped a claw out of my paw and I am sporting a bright red bandage.  I'll keep you informed of my progress. x