~~My name is Taffy and this is my story~~

Wednesday, 30 June 2010

This has now become ridiculous....

I know what you're thinking.  I was thinking it too.  Is this a blog for dogs - the superior species - or for cats?  However, I now have the evidence I need.  Every two weeks or so, SWMBO clears off for a few hours and comes home smelling very strange.  Now I know what that odd odour is.  She's going to a cat house.  I always had my suspicions.  What a turncoat she turned out to be.
I think I'm depressed now. I know I'm old and not expected to make 16 but I'm afraid she might be going to get a kitten in my place.  What shall I do?  I may try to be better behaved but I think I'm perfect already.  What if I promise not to lick anyone's legs again? 
During the early hours of this morning I was wandering around the bedroom panting and deliberately ignoring my water bowl.  Then I kind of lost my balance and went down with a thud against their bed.  Then I held my breath - just to worry them.  It seemed to work and they both  rushed to my side thinking I'd panted my last pant.  I wanted to bark 'Only kidding' but I was too hot and bothered. She did feed me fresh chicken tonight though.  Is that a good sign? Now I know they're thinking of adopting a kitten, I might make it easier for them and get lost in the park tomorrow.  As I'm slighty 'mutton' it won't be hard. What do you think dear reader?  Only sensible suggestions please.

Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Did I mention . . . .

Did I mention I was incontinent? This is not for the faint hearted amongst you but it's a fact of life and getting older.  I mean it's not bad but I am of a certain age and I have that gentleman's condition of a leaky valve. However, I understand that I am loved unconditionally. I mean after all, it can't be long before SWMBO becomes a Tena Lady and I hope HWMBO doesn't dispose of her!! So, in an effort to protect the carpets - I am embarrassed to say that I now wear what she calls a Belly Band but for the purposes of this journal, let's just call it a nappy. I mean it's really cool - it came all the way from America and the pattern of the fabric and everything - but still embarrassing. I often hear her tell anyone who'll listen, that she's mortified having to buy incontinence pads in the grocery store. She makes it worse by saying 'They're for the dog'. This usually gets a laugh at my expense. How can I ever grace the aisles of John Sainsbury's again? She's embarrassed!? She doesn't have to wear it.

Now this is becoming ridiculous.  Who the devil is this?  I've never even sniffed this creature.  Who's blog is it anyway?  He's kinda cute mind.  I think his name might be Bertie from The Isle of Man.  This blog is obviously international now. 
I've been out for my perambulation with Benson already.  There has been a blip in the weather and we had rain today.  SWMBO went out dressed for summer without a coat or brolly and half the walk was stationary underneath a leaky tree, because she was at the hairdresser's yesterday.  I wish she would let me into her secret - because I'm quite grey around the muzzle now ......

Sunday, 27 June 2010

Is the England team playing today Terry?

Where to start?  First of all - who is this?
I'm told that this was mum's first dog Moss -and he came from Battersea Dog's Home a long time ago in dog years. I've heard tell he was near perfect.  And your point is what?  Where are you going with this I hear myself asking?  Anyway, he's history.  More about me.  I'm really not sleeping well in this heat and as I've said before - that means nobody sleeps well.  They leave the fan on all night and have even brought up my water bowl, which SWMBO walks into EVERY night without fail.  Words are spoken - far too impolite for this post. Nothing to do with me.  Do you remember I told you I might be going to the vet's?  Well, it happened.  I trembled in trepidation in the waiting room but it wasn't too bad.  A nice lady vet fondled my hairy body and she did not hurt me.  I even saw Hayley there  (Charles and Molly's pack member).  Money changed hands and I thought I'd got away lightly considering.  Imagine my reaction later, when I had a syringe thrust into my mouth and an awful substance squirted towards my throat.  Do they think I'm a junkie?
  It's supposed to help with my mobility - well we'll see.  Now I know what to watch out for - they're going to have trouble catching me.  I left my dinner last night.  Too hot to eat and I do have to watch my figure after all.  It seems to be a theme in this house.  White Chocolate Milky Bar dessert not withstanding.
I wasn't expecting to be writing today - it being so hot an' all and quite frankly I didn't have any new material to share.  That all changed however, when we went on an early morning walk with the neighbours.  Benson was collected and off we went up to Epsom Downs.  There was a race on though and there was nowhere to park.  So we changed direction and went off to Epsom/Ashtead Common.  Well these extra miles are hard on an old fella's bladder and thank goodness she keeps a few old blankets in the boot for us dogs.  That's all I shall say.  We got there eventually and I was reminded of when I used to go there every Sunday morning.  Today however, there was no Poppy but there was me, Benson, Charles, Molly and the beautiful princess Trixie, Belle of Ewell.  (Yes, we're talking posh pooch here - gets carried in a bejewelled dog bag etc. Very precious)  Benson was in total awe of her bottom for the whole walk.
Well, what a pack we were. The woods were heaving with dogs, cyclists and even horses.  Charles disgraced himself and tried to eat the horse poo.  Benson was put on the lead because he chases horses and I went into the muckiest pool imaginable.  Because I'm not good on my paws these days, I slipped and took a tumble head first and came out black, from nose to tail.  My goodness it felt good.  We passed a stream where SWMBO fell last winter and landed up right in the drink.  It still makes me chuckle, even now.  I think the best bit was when she had to empty out her wellies. I digress.
Charlie and Molly found another green slime covered pond and jumped in without a care for all the screaming from their owners.  Molly came out totally covered in green pond slime like a green monster.  You  had to be there - you really did.  I laughed, especially when Charlie jumped up at his owner Terry and covered him with slobber and pond slime.  I know it's unkind but Terry was wearing a bright red England T-Shirt and I guess he had it coming.  I mean, we all had to walk around with him for nearly two hours - pretending we didn't know him.  Laugh . . . you couldn't make it up.  I feel a long siesta coming on.

Friday, 25 June 2010

For Sas

Hello Saskia.  I heard through the grapevine that you are one of my followers.  It's nice to know someone has the time to read about my life.  I understand you like Molly.  Everyone does - she's co cute.  In her picture, she's eating one third of a chew that my owner bought for Charlie but as we were all fighting over it, it was split into three pieces.  I'm getting very hungry right now and I cannot smell anything cooking.  Now I know how HWMBO feels. 

I need sleep

This is SWMBO and her friend Jill.  What were they thinking?  I thought they were supposed to set an example.  Now I know why she tries to make me wear antlers every Christmas.  Once, in Torquay at Christmas, poor Eddy and I had to wear a whole Santa outfit for a whole walk to the local hostelry on Christmas Day.  When we got there, I just put my head under the patio table and worked upon the assumption that if I can't see anyone, they can't see me.
I'm not liking this heat.  Every night I walk around my owners' bed panting.  If I'm awake I want everyone to be awake.  If they don't wake up immediately, I shake - thereby making a rattling sound with my name tag.  That always gets them going.  There's normally some sort of discussion about who's turn is it?  Oddly I never hear HWMBO's voice and I'm taken down and out by herself.  Sometimes I 'need out' but sometimes I just like to check the kennel and garden for Mr. Reynard the fox.  I always take my time because it's nice and cool and I know SWMBO can't shout at me in the middle of the night.  When I'm ready, I have a long drink of water and saunter back up to my bed beside their bed.  I let out a huge sigh and am asleep before you know it.  Sometimes SWMBO wakes me up with mutterings of I can't get back to sleep.  Whatever!!
I heard a rather worrying 'phone call ealier.  SWMBO called someone as I was drifting in and out of sleep pretending to be deaf but my ears pricked up when I heard her say, 'He tried to cock his leg for a wee but just fell over.'  Now, I don't know if she was talking about me or HWMBO.  But the time of 3pm was mentioned.  This can only mean pain and more tablets.  Sniff this space for more news.

Thursday, 24 June 2010

Good woofning

This is Molly - the sister of Charles Ward.  She was rescued some years ago by the warm-hearted Ward family, having followed Lewis home from school.  She is a lovely little dog and is good with me, all humans, even babies (unlike me) but I think she may be a Schizophrenic on the quiet.  She absolutely detests all dogs smaller than herself (you wouldn't think there were that many would you?) Jack Russells and Staffies - and anything else that gets in her way.  She may need counselling.  SWMBO adores her and when she's at our kennel, she gets to sit on her knee whilst she's on the computer and watching tv.  I of course am not allowed this privilege.  Huh!
Well yesterday I outshone myself.  We were invited to Sue's house to play cards with some of Sue's friends - Mathilde and Pat.   These ladies do not own dogs themselves and SWMBO was hoping I'd impress them with my good behaviour.  Well I can't see what I did wrong - I really can't.  It was business as usual as far as I was concerned.  I really liked Pat and I licked her legs until my tongue was sore and until she put hers legs up on the patio table. Every time she put them within reach, I licked some more.  Suddenly I found myself tied up to the parasol!  Then I went behind a lovely Acer tree and sicked up my dinner.  I thought my wretching noises were discreet but I heard a lot of commotion behind me.  Then I brought up some more on the patio.  I think it's the medication I've been on.  Well, what normally happens is, I eat it all up again - and was intending to do so again but before you could call Lassie in on the case, it had all been disposed off.  Thereafter I was starving.  Thankfully I got more dinner when I got back to our kennel.  I wish she'd stop typing now though, as I want my walk.  Oh, here we go....

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

Let me introduce you to Charles Ward

Good Woofternoon.
  This is Charlie, of whom you have heard mention.  He's the new pooch on the block and lives two kennels down from us.In this snap it looks like he has only three legs but it's trick photography!  Charlie was rescued by Nicki recently and has had four homes in his short life.  He has done well for himself now however.  He and Benson love playing together when we go out in a pack.  Today, one of his owners, Lewis, noticed he was very poorly and covered in lumps.  The vet thinks he may have swallowed a bee and went into anaphylactic shock.  He seems to be ok now thank goodness.  (Drama queen - I like all the attention.)  SWMBO went round with a big treat for him and I'm happy to say it was shared out between him, me and Molly, his sister.  (More of whom later)
Goodness it's been hot today. I wish I could shed this fur coat. I have refused my dinner again - as they are still putting tablets in it.  I may eat it later when they're not looking.  She's off out again but himself's home.  I suppose we'll have to watch war films again - or Sci-Fi.  I may just doze off ....................

Monday, 21 June 2010

Bonnie - R.I.P.

Hello woofers!  Taffy Till here.  I hope all the dogs you know had  lovely walks this weekend.  I know I did. However,  I usually have SWMBO to myself but she collected Benson both Saturday & Sunday.  I like the company actually.  I got a nice treat from Mrs James when we got back - so walking with an overactive, 2 year old, border collie does have its compensations.
This is a picture of my old friend Bonnie Fogg, who is no longer with us.  She has gone to meet Barbara Woodhouse in doggie heaven.  She was a lovely old girl and we all miss her.
I heard SWMBO on the phone to the RSPCA last night. She always notices a tethered horse in between 2 busy carriageways near the A3. It's alone and must be terrified of the noise.  However, apparently it's not cruel and the inspector has plenty of emergencies to attend to, so the operator would not be passing on the details.  I heard raised voices by the end of the call but to no avail.  Goodness, I hope she's not going to rescue the horse and bring it here.
Well I said I couldn't promise not to chew my sore paw and SWMBO caught me at it at 5.15 am yesterday morning.  I ended up wearing on old odd black sock.  It now has a hole in it and is covered in dog hairs.  I haven't chewed the paw since though.  Every so often I let her think she's won.  I keep getting distracted by a blue bottle fly which is zooming all around me - so I'd better go and catch it.  I have been told to keep quiet because HWMBO has just gone to bed for a sleep, having had a tooth extraction today.  WIMP!  You wanna lose a claw pal - now that's pain!  Adios.

Friday, 18 June 2010

Meet Benson

Hello fellow woofers!
This is my new pal Benson
with whom I share my walks in Nonsuch Park.  His owner Olive, believes he may be just over two years old now.  She rescued him over a year ago and my goodness has he fallen on his paws?  He now has a loving owner and lots of new doggy pals like me.  He tears around the park like a puppy or as if he's on PCP!  Of course, I was just like that once but I let him get on with it now.  The squirrels are his! I often hear SWMBO (she who must be obeyed) saying how handsome he is but she always takes me home at the end of the day.
I have been back to the vet's today.  I tried to be brave but I trembled and quivered like normal.  However, nothing unpleasant happened apart from the fact I heard SWMBO moaning that she had to pay ANOTHER £23.50.  I think I'm worth it.  I have been told not to nibble my foot bit I'm not promising anything.
Anyway, where was I?  Today, we collected Benson and when we got to the park, who was there but Molly, Charlie and their owner Nicki?  I don't think it was a coincidence actually.  Well, not five minutes into the walk, Molly, a fiesty Patterdale Terrier, had a punch up with a Jack Russell.  Fur flew and Molly was limping for a while afterwards.  She stayed on the lead as punishment after that, so I frolicked around in front of her, because I'm a 'Goody-Goody'.  Guess who's just come through the front door?  Molly.  She's staying here for a few hours, whilst her SWMBO has a party of sorts, to which my SWMBO is attending. HWMBO told SWMBO not to spend too much.  (Like she ever listens!)  I wonder if she'll buy something for little old moi.  That's all folks.

Thursday, 17 June 2010


Woof to all my friends and followers.  This is my cousin Eddy.  She's wearing my bandana.  We were guest dogs at a party in Torquay and we all dressed up.  She's knocking on a bit like me. Everyone loves her.  I only got my folks up twice during the night - as payback.  I tried to bite the hand that was force feeding me my meds but I did get a Cadbury's chocolate button once the tablets had gone down.  Chocolate is bad for me apparently, so I nearly refused it upon principal.  However, seeing the size of my owners hips these days - I thought I'd do her a favour.  I'm a big hearted dog after all!
We went to collect Benson and then went to the park.  I'm not sure if I like Benson.  We sit in the back of the car pretending we cannot see each other.  He takes a shifty sniff of my nether regions when he thinks I'm not looking and I do the same to him.  We don't fight or anything but just do our own thing on the walk. She who must be obeyed ate the rest of the chocolate buttons without sharing them and gave me and Benson some tasteless dog food treats, which were donated to us when Rosie died.  I ask you!  When we got home I settled down for a long sleep, only to find that she was trowelling on the war paint, which lets me know she's off out again.  She claims to love me but never misses something she calls a whist drive.  When she got back, she told me she'd buy me some dried tripe with her winnings of £1.50. Keep it I thought!  Buy yourself some more chocolate buttons.

Wednesday, 16 June 2010

Call the RSPCA

Well, would you believe it?  Here I am, with a big plaster on my leg (bright red - so they couldn't miss it!) and they go out for lunch and leave me for what seemed like hours.  Just to pay them back, I barked and howled to upset the neighbours until they returned.  Then I only ate half my dinner because I knew there was a painkiller, an antibiotic and a worm tablet mixed in with it all.  Do they think I have no sense of smell?  I may be an old geezer but my nose is still in working order.  I spat out the bits I didn't like on the kitchen floor.  I am now going to sleep round the clock until they try and force feed me with more tablets.  Who'd be a well loved dog?

Tuesday, 15 June 2010

My first post

Hello dog lovers.  My name is Taffy Till.  Today I ripped a claw out of my paw and I am sporting a bright red bandage.  I'll keep you informed of my progress. x