Austin speaks out

Hi - or Yaki-Da as we say in Wales. I have been up to my paws in it this week, so have offered Austin a voice on my blog.  Well as Andy Warhol once said, every dog will have their 15 minutes of fame - so here's Austin's. I hope you understand his Scottish accent.

Unaccustomed as I am to speaking in public, I am looking forward to this. I will try to speak with an English accent and there'll be no Glaswegian handshakes from me either because I am from The fine Highlands of Scotland. For the last two weeks I have been taken out in the afternoon by a new woman and her old dog Taffy - who has lent me space on his blog.  I'm feeling rather neglected by my owners, because I don't have a blog - yet! May I start by saying that I wouldn't have chosen this photograph?  I am about to perform a very private function, so why did she take a shot of me whilst so engaged?  Humans!!
We have been walking around my 'hood' and I have been pointing things out to this woman and Taffy and we have met lots of people and other hounds with much news and gossip.  Everything had been going well until yesterday when she was late.  I kept my eye on the clock on the microwave oven in the kitchen and as soon as it was 14:31 Hrs. I began to worry she wasn't coming. Each minute that went by had me wondering whether I had upset her yesterday.  Had I slobbered on her clean jeans too much?  Had I not welcomed her enough when she arrived? Had I spread too much mud on the kitchen floor?  Who knew? 
Eventually she turned up at 15:00 Hrs.  About time too.  My worry subsided and a slightly sulky air came over me.  Granted she looked FABULOUS, having been at the hairdresser's but I would have preferred her to come on time in muddy jeans, hair scraped back and without a scrap of makeup - like she normally does. Anyway, moving on - it was a sunny day and off we went down the road and she puts on her sun shades. She was possibly trying to look cool but she was more shabby chic - with the emphasis on shabby.  The shades were faux Gucci and looked to me as though they had been purchased from an African national in a market in Tenerife!
I just love Thursdays round here because it's recycling day and everyone leaves their plastic bins out for the contents to be taken away and recycled.  Whilst Taffy's owner was fiddling around with what looked like a portable cassette recorder (yes, she's that old), I managed to have a pee in a neighbour's green bin.  What a relief and if they have a dog, I've sent a clear message to that hound - It's My Road - OK?  the woman quickly pulled me away and had a quick look to see if anyone had seen but I think we got away with it.  Then Taffy wanted to cover it and he was practically lifted off his paws.  Now I cannot reveal the address of this misdemeanour, for fear of stigmatization of my pack - so please don't ask.
Talking of addresses, all the houses in my street could be described as 'Des Res' and they have names such as 'Rough Jenkin', 'Roquebrune' and I even saw a galloping major pull up inside the grounds of 'Brigadoon'. Yes, we're quite refined here in this part of Surrey dontcha know?
I mentioned that it was sunny yesterday but the road is still wet and fairly muddy, so we had to go through the paw cleaning ritual. For dogness sake, what is it with my paws?  They all want to clean them and I hate it.  Well this one's a push over.  I only have to growl and bark and she gives in.  The consequence of this is, she has to clean the kitchen floor before she leaves.  I'm not sure it's in her job description but she'd rather do that than upset me.  Suits moi!  She pretends she's not afraid and says she's only doing it so my mum, who's had a long hard day at work - doesn't have to come home and do it.  So my final memory before I doze off to sleep, is one of her on all fours, wiping my footprints away with my mum's J cloths. Such is life. That's it folks.  Hopefully Taffy will let me have a few more words at a later date. Byeee.....