I'm a contortionist dontcha know

Doesn't everyone sleep like this?  Why they thought it funny I can only hazard a guess.  I happen to like my bottom sticking up in the air when I go to sleep.  To laugh would be cruel.  Guess which two couldn't get to sleep laughing at me.  To make matters worse they took my photograph.  Can a dog get no peace around here?
SWMBO is back on this fitness thing again.  My walks seem endless when she's on a health kick.  I'M OLD.  Benson runs around like he's just been released from Bedlam and I just try to keep up.  I have started to follow the wrong people in the park.  Of course this is just a ruse to make her come and get me.  Well, she wants the exercise! I trot off in the totally wrong direction and it's hilarious to hear her huffing and puffing to try and catch up with me and my new leader. She thinks my eyes are going and are cloudy but it's my little joke.
SWMBO went out for an hour tonight and when she came back, she smelled strongly of eau de Charlie, eau de Molly and eau de Trixie, Belle of Ewell.  So I went into the garden and came back smelling of eau de Reynard.  I was promptly put in the shower stall for my efforts.
Talking of foxes, I think it must the mating season because every time I go out, there are two of them in my territory and they are very vocal.  I see them off and they come straight back into the garden.  My owners then spend ages watching their antics when they could be pampering moi.  Humans!

I'm trying to forget Christmas

Woofy New Year to my readers ~ somewhat belatedly I confess.  Well, I have been reluctant to write here for a number of reasons but have decided to get things off my hairy chest.  Christmas 2010 will probably be my last.  In fact if certain people had their way ~ I would not be here writing this today.  More of which later. Now I know you all think I'm sweetness and light but if I'm to be honest, I do have my moments.  I do not like children.  There - I've woofed it.  It's out there in cyberspace for all to read.  SWMBO has gone to great lengths to avoid any little person under the age of about say - 12, or thereabouts - coming into my territory.  I'm not used to them d'you see?  But every now and then, it's not possible and I must come into contact with them.  Now please don't think I'm savage because I'm not.  I just give out little warning shots but you have to understand, I can only do it with my teeth and my bark.  I guess you're already one step ahead in my story aren't you?
Last year I had a nice quiet Christmas with my foster folks, Val & Eric in Molesey.  This year my little pack went to Torquay for some sea air on the south coast.  It was a long car journey down there and I'm not a great traveller - even though SWMBO sat in the back with me.  I refuse to go to sleep and I have to watch to see that we're going in the right direction.  (HWMBO has no idea re. directions.) Anyway, by the time we got there, I was a little tired and very hungry.  So I really didn't need a cuddle from a small humanoid called Ava - 22 months.  Everyone sat up for their meal except me and Ava and as she lurched towards me, I told her off.  I didn't mean to catch her eye and her cheek.  I was just telling her to leave me alone.
Well, pandemonium ensued.  Ava was taken to hospital  and I never saw her family again for two days.  SWMBO was in tears and there was talk of going home before the holiday had even started.   I'm not sure whether this was because I'd snapped at Ava or because the dinner wasn't up to scratch.  Who can tell? The vet's name was mentioned but HWMBO said he wasn't to come.  For some reason, if the vet had come, my mum would have been very unhappy all over Christmas.  Not sure why.  All I do know is that for the rest of the week, when I was in the house and there were children around - I was muzzled.  I was even walked around on my lead indoors.  I tried to be friendly to everyone after that but I think my goose was cooked, so to speak. (Not that I got any goose this year!) The good news is that I didn't break her skin and no medical was needed.  However, my little secret was now exposed and I was doga-non-gratis thereafter.
The walks by the sea were nice though and I always like to visit my cousin Eddy.  She's getting on like me.  I'm not at all sure we'll meet again.  Overall though, it wasn't a great Christmas - considering it may have been my last.  Lady Blockley even popped in the day before we came home.  She did a pooh in the kitchen, so not to be outdone, I did one the next day in a similar spot.  Couldn't help it. They were all taking so long to get ready for our walk.
I'm sorry if this blog entry is a little downcast - not my usual bundle of laughs - but strange things are happening to me.  HWMBO says I'm well over 100 in human years.  That sounds very old doesn't it? Well, I shall savour each day and treat each one as my last because one day it will be. Good night!