Hello there. Remember moi?

No it's not me but SWMBO hasn't taken any decent photos lately.  She dropped their camera on a boat recently and it hasn't been right since.  I am going to have to rack my brain to remember what's been happening in these here parts.  I don't think I have blogged since before they went away and left me for 16 days.  A very nice lady came to live here with me and we got along just fine and dandy.  Her name was Mich and she left her dog Boo in Derby with a friend, in order to look after me, which was very nice of her wasn't it? I did meet Boo once before and things didn't go too well.  I try not to think about it.
Anyway, we had a nice time together and with my folks away, I thought I'd show her the ropes.  I distinctly remember hearing SWMBO telling my new carer, that if anyone comes to the door, I was to be put in the garage.  A few days after mum and dad left me to the mercy of Mich and went off to have a good time in a place called America, I had the chance I had been looking for, for some years now.  Another human came to stay called Hopey and I heard her ordering an Indian takeaway on the telephone.  This takeaway was to be delivered and I saw my opportunity to stamp some dog authority about this kennel.  I pretended to be asleep but I was listening out for the doorbell and when I heard it, I sauntered up to the door as if I was going to be friendly.  As soon as the door was opened - I went for the leg I saw before me.  Ha ha!!  That'll teach him.  Spread the word my friend, no one messes with me at my front door.  I have humans to protect.  I like a bit of curry.
Soon afterwards it was back to just me and Mich.  The days dragged/flew by (depending on who's telling the story) and one Monday, Mich walked me to the park.  Another fine opportunity presented itself.  Two in a week, what a lucky dog am I? Bin man day.  I don't think mum warned her about men pulling bins or trollies, as I'm usually transported in the car.  Not wanting to let the side down, I did what should have been expected of me and I bit the bin man.  Yes, I did it on purpose and yes he had holes in his trouser leg.  I wasn't messing.  I am top dog of my dogdom and don't mess with me.  Mich was mortified - can't understand why though.  She should have felt protected against this marauder.  She has much to learn my friends.
Eventually my folks returned and I was pleased that I could retire again and let them be in charge of security.
More recently, my mum had to go away without me again.  This time she left Dad with me.  Now I don't want to tell tales, but Dad may have forgotten how often I need to go to the outdoor bathroom (OK - garden) Well he soon remembered when I left him a smelly calling card in their bedroom.  I tried to arouse him but he sleeps very soundly.  The aroma did the trick though and he was soon up and about busily cleaning up after me.  The next day, for variation, I did it on the stairs.  Again, it got him out of bed.
For a change of scenery, he took me to see his friends Joyce and Harry.  I haven't been over there for some time.  Dad was doing a little job in the lounge, when I did a little job of my own.  It wasn't my fault.  A pesky C A T  dared to enter Joyce's garden without my permission.  And where was I? On the wrong side of the glass window that's where!  I was frantic to get to that C A T and the poo left me without my permission.  Anyway, they didn't seem to mind, so I was most surprised when I was unceremoniously packed off to the boot of Dad's car, where I went to sleep whilst they finished their refreshments.  (I was obviously not included in this hospitality)
Oddly, when Mum came home from wherever she'd been, she was all over me like a rash - more so than usual.  I'm not sure what was going on but when they were talking, mum started crying and cuddling me more.  I lapped it up of course, pretending I wasn't bothered.  They kept mentioning that someone was coming on Friday and asking the question, 'Is it too early?'  It cannot be anything to do with me I'm sure.  However something strange is going on because I have been given lots of ham which is still within its sell by date.  Very odd don't you think?
Odder still - I keep hearing the word 'Reprieve'.  I don't know what it means but coincidentally, the ham has stopped coming and nor did the stranger arrive today.  What could this mean dear reader?  Well I can't stay up writing much longer, I have to go and look appealing in case there's any dinner left on Dad's plate. Ta Da.